In Pursuit of perfection...

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Our lives have becoming increasingly busy over the years with the ability to never stop. We have access to work emails 24/7 and endless to do lists. And, when we finally do get 10 minutes to spare, we usually spend that aimlessly staring at our screens and looking at strangers 'perfect lives'. Perfectionism is a term that is thrown around quite a bit, but there is a huge difference between the productive mindset of wanting to do well and the counterproductive mindset of 'striving for flawlessness'. The latter mindset can leave individuals sensitive to criticism and plagued by self-doubt when it comes to estimating their performance abilities. 

But what makes people feel like they need to be perfect, and why is it an increasing phenomena? As we develop we adopt personality traits that allow us to reach certain goals which are further influenced as a result of the experiences we go through. For example, If a child believed that they are inferior for some reason, they would likely develop personality traits that help them work towards the goal of attaining superiority. So, perfectionism is developed as a result of feelings of inferiority or of being less than others. When we experience these feelings we tend to develop perfectionism traits in order to maintain a sense of worthiness.

Research reveals that the pursuit of perfectionism is on the rise and this is likely influenced by the rise of social media. More than ever we are exposed to images and stories of peoples perfect lives and seemingly effortless success, increasing social and cultural pressure for young people to be economically successful.

One research study reported finding three types of perfectionism: self-oriented perfectionism, socially prescribed perfectionism, and other-oriented perfectionism. The findings suggest that young people within recent generations perceive that others demand more of them, and they demand more of others, as well as themselves. 

Perfectionists tend to be extremely self-critical, especially if they are unable to meet their high standards, and this self-criticism keeps perfectionists feeling bad about themselves. These negative emotions lead to a number of unhelpful self-critical thoughts.  Often there is a pattern to these thoughts call unhelpful thinking styles, which is usually an automatic habit or something we do unconsciously. These styles of thinking can often cause a great deal of emotional distress. For example, black and white thinking style involves seeing only one extreme or the other.  You are right or wrong and there is no in-between. Furthermore, thoughts such as “I should” or “I must”  can put unreasonable demands or pressure on yourself and can create unrealistic expectations (e.g., “I must never make mistakes”). Finally, catastrophising occurs when we blow things out of proportion and view a situation as awful, dreadful, horrible, even though the reality is that the problem itself is in fact quite small.




So, if you are a self-identified perfectionist, what can you do to change your mindset and start seeing things differently?

1.       Look within and start working on your self-esteem. As I explained, perfectionism is linked to feeling inferior, so we believe that doing everything perfectly will make us worthy. But, this way of thinking could not be more wrong! Nobody's perfect, there will always be someone better than you, and there will always be someone better than them too. There is so much information on improving self-esteem, but you could start by writing a list of you values and things that make you great. If this is hard, ask a friend to help.

2.       Practice self-compassion. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves, but part of changing the perfectionist mindset is to be kinder to yourself. Next time you catch yourself being hard on yourself, try and flip the thought to a kinder one (even if you dont truly believe it to start off)

3.       Explore CBT and practice catching and challenging automatic negative thoughts (ANTS). CBT is all about reframing you thinking. For example, 'I have missed the deadline, its all my fault and I'm going to be fired!' could be reframed to 'I have been so busy lately and have a huge workload, I will speak to my manager and see if I can get some help'.

4.       Practice breathing and mindfulness. Research is showing the many benefits of breath work and mindfulness practice for our mental health. Focused breathing can be done quickly to relieve anxiety and stress and mindfulness will just help you be more aware of your thoughts, which can help with the above step.

5.       Schedule time to chill out. I know easier said than done. But, giving you brain time to rest is so important for not only your mental health, but also for keeping productive. Its like when we physically train, our muscles grow and recover during rest, so does our brains.


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